Couples Counseling

The Right Way to Say, “I’m Sorry.”

I am a relationship therapist in San Francisco. I know relationships. And I have something important to tell you about dating, marriage, and relationships:

Conflict Is Inevitable

In relationship it’s inevitable that we’ll step on each other’s toes and have different needs that conflict.  And it’s likely we’ll want or need different things at the same time.  When this happens, the situation is ripe for conflict, hurt and disappointment.

5 Questions That Create Happy Relationships

In case you didn’t get the memo, communication is the thing that makes relationships click.  Well, its one of the things.  Maybe one of the most important things.  Intimacy, vulnerability and expression of care are also huge, but they all rest on the basic skill of communication.

Not everyone is super skilled or comfortable with “real” communication.  But since you’ve decided you like this person so much, why not talk to them?  And why not really talk.  Practice it, grow, stretch a little if these kinds of questions are a stretch.  They’ll feel better, you’ll feel better, and you’ll be investing in your mutual long-term happiness.

Are You Feeling Hopeless About Your Relationship? 3 Ways to Start Feeling Better.

Are You Feeling Hopeless About Your Relationship?  3 Ways to Start Feeling Better.

Does feeling hopeless mean it is, or is there still a way to fix things?

You’re feeling hopeless about your relationship, but does that mean you’re doomed?  Or is there still hope in spite of that sinking feeling?

Well, hopelessness usually comes awhile after the point where your relationship struggles and red flags started showing up.  Hopeless feelings are likely an indication that overwhelm has been taking its toll on you, not just emotionally, but also on your nervous system, physically.   When that happens your body’s ability to regulate which is essential to healthy, sustainable functioning is severely compromised and parts of you start shutting down to regulate and regain your grasp on things. 

Premarital Counseling in San Francisco: Why bother...?

Premarital Counseling in San Francisco:  Why bother...?

You live in San Francisco, one of the toughest dating scenes, this side of say...the Hudson River and Manhattan and...well, you're killing it!  You've met your match and life-partner, you're making an honest living, and living the life!  I'd say you've done pretty darn well!  Just ask one of your single friends who's still living with 3 roommates in the Outer Sunset.  So why bother with premarital counseling when life is so good?  Well, for starters, how about protecting that most precious asset that no bull market or real estate investment could bring back to you--your relationship, and that other lovely person you're in it with.

3 Things You Should Expect from (Good) Couples Therapy

Knowing you want help and need help with your relationship is the easy part.  You’re feeling unseen, unappreciated, repeatedly disappointed and pretty damn unsatisfied with him or her.  Now what?

It’s kind of a daunting question and adventure…looking for a GOOD couples therapist.  What does that mean anyway?  What is a good couples therapist going to do and how is it going to help?  And how do I know if I’ve found someone that will actually help us to feel better and want to be together again?

How To Stop Arguing + Get Your Partner To Listen To You!

How To Stop Arguing + Get Your Partner To Listen To You!

You may have heard of The Four Horsemen.  It’s an apocalyptic image and term in our culture.  But did you know that the Four Horsemen are probably actually living in your bedroom?!

Arguing and conflict that includes criticism, defensiveness and other elements of Dr. John Gottman’s 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse predict that a marriage will fail about 5 ½ years after the wedding.  So, whether you’re already married, or imagine yourself moving towards marriage with your love-bug, you can’t afford (emotionally or financially!) to let the arguments and disconnection continue.