Are You Having Trouble Finding A Meaningful Connection?
Do you spend hours on dating apps, swiping through endless possibilities of what could be? Are you having difficulty establishing a strong connection with the person across the table from you on dates? Is it hard for you to imagine yourself in a relationship where you’re happy and feel valued? Do you find yourself diving head first into your career or other hobbies because the dating scene just seems hopeless?
Dating in San Francisco can be a new and challenging experience for anyone, and it’s not uncommon for our past experiences to shape our feelings, thoughts, and behaviors as we try to find love. Maybe you’re waiting for someone special or the “right one” to check off all the boxes for you, someone you could see yourself with for a long time who will love you for who you are. Or perhaps you’re looking for someone who’s ready to start a family and invest time in a committed relationship. Dating can feel like a foreign experience, and when things go wrong it can leave us feeling hopeless and lonely, but I assure you that there is someone out there for you.
Everyone Needs Love, Compassion, and Excitement
Everyone longs for happiness and looking for love is one of the most human ways that we try to achieve it. However, forming a healthy relationship requires the ability to overcome your own diverse issues and obstacles. And unfortunately, relying on your partner to help address internal wounds formed in past relationships can create a tremendous amount of relational stress. Our satisfaction in life starts from within, and our perspectives can easily influence how we connect and interact with others.
Feeling misunderstood and grappling with the existential realities of loneliness are issues we all struggle with. This is especially true within the modern culture of urban, app-driven San Francisco and the rest of the Bay area. While technological advances provide us more opportunities to find love and connect with others, they often leave us feeling more isolated than ever. According to one report, up to 81 percent of people using the dating app Hinge reported that they have never been successful in establishing a long-term relationship and even feel lonely after using swipe apps. Our obsession with social media, dating apps, and idealistic standards of beauty creates an unhealthy focus on physical appearance, and looking at ourselves through this lens usually results in unrealistic expectations that may set you up for disappointment in future interactions.
You may find that you’re loneliness is perpetuated by trying to meet the demands of modern society. As you try to pay bills, meet deadlines, and function within the taxing atmosphere of the corporate world, it can be hard to set aside the time for pursuing new relationships. Frustration, hopelessness, and longing are all common emotions we experience when faced with obstacles to connection, but you don’t have to let them dictate your future. Establishing a meaningful connection with someone is still possible despite the disconnected realities we’re a part of today. Through dating counseling, you’ll be given the opportunity to share your questions, worries, and goals while developing a tailored strategy that will enable you to move forward and re-enter the world of dating with confidence.
Sometimes You Have to Love Yourself Before You Can Love Others
In our counseling sessions, you’ll have the chance to explore past relationships in a way that allows you to process, understand, and learn from your romantic history. We’ll also work towards cultivating compassion, self-love, and a deeper understanding of yourself so you can begin to feel good without necessarily having to seek companionship in order to be happy. When it comes down to it, happiness is an inside job and you often need to discover the love that's already in you. Having someone else in your life doesn’t fix all of life's problems, and it may not always be fulfilling in the way you want it to be. While wonderful in many ways, relationships can add a different set of challenges that are harder to overcome when you’re not already rooted in a strong foundation of self-love. “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it (Rumi).”
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to...find all the barriers to love you have [unwittingly] built against it. Rumi
As we ease into addressing your concerns, we’ll strive to uncover old self perceptions that may be working against your ability to trust and express yourself within an intimate, healthy connection. The truth is, we’re complex beings that are wired to look for love and connect with others, and engaging in therapy can provide you with the opportunity to explore your needs while forming healthy habits that will allow you to rewire your view and approach towards dating.
I’ve adopted a humanistic philosophy that’s based in attachment theory and neuroscience-oriented approaches. Using these methods, we’ll explore your thoughts and feelings as they pertain to your romantic and personal history, your family dynamics, and your history of forming connections with others. Discussing your connections and experiences will enable us to develop an understanding of how you enter relationships, function within them, and what we can do to improve your approach in the future.
We may use skill-building exercises, mental rehearsals, and a variety of other experiential techniques to help us identify current challenges so we can find ways around them in the future. By understanding your needs and desires, we’ll be able to begin to create new templates for what healthy relationships can look like in your life.
Everyone is deserving of love. However, sometimes, aspects of our past prevent us from finding long-lasting satisfaction within ourselves and our relationships. With the right guidance and support, dating therapy can help you access profound parts of yourself that you may not be aware of. When you’re willing to make positive changes, challenge yourself, engage in introspection, and commit to the therapeutic process, navigating and forming successful relationships will become easier with time.
We’re all on a journey through life, and as such, we shouldn’t have to go through it alone. Although you may feel like no one understands, I’m here to ensure you that I do. I’ve been helping individuals find lasting success and happiness through therapy since 2011. Combined with my own personal experiences and a passion for helping people heal, I’m confident that you can form fulfilling new bonds and enduring relationships.
Perhaps you still have questions about how dating therapy can benefit you…
Is the investment in dating counseling going to be worth it?
As human beings, we are extremely social creatures and when we can’t make healthy connections, it can negatively impact other aspects of our lives, including careers, quality of life, and our personal health. However, the valuable knowledge and skills you can gain through counseling will pay off long after our work together has concluded.
How is dating therapy going to help me find love?
Counseling is an extremely gratifying experience that teaches you about yourself and how you function within relationships. Even if you don’t immediately enter a relationship, the personal growth that occurs will empower you to understand your desires, function more productively within your existing bonds, and set pathways toward finding fulfilling connections in the future.
What’s the difference between dating coaching and dating counseling?
A dating coach and dating therapist don’t have the same approach, and it’s important to make the distinction. Dating coaching is more focused on dating tips, social skills, and behaviors that are meant to boost confidence and help you land dates. However, it’s a more superficial, results-oriented approach that doesn’t focus on healing internal issues, which may negatively impact your relationships later on. Dating therapy, on the other hand, is more focused on improving your overall satisfaction and well-being in life, and helping you reframe your thoughts and actions in new, more effective ways so that you can pursue a relationship in a healthy fashion when you’re ready.
Open Yourself Up to Love
It’s not uncommon to feel different, singled out, or lonely in times when we need connection most. Our need for love is a vital human trait, and if you’re considering dating therapy as an option, I offer a 20 minute phone consultation where I’ll be happy to discuss any questions or concerns you may have. You can schedule your free consultation by calling 415-797-8297, reaching out to me via email, or by clicking the link below.
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