Dating As a Career-Driven Professional – The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly




Single in SF?

The Good, BAD + Ugly

Being a career-driven person might make you feel like you have to choose between your job and your love life.

Long hours at the office can pose an obstacle to planning romantic evenings. And you might find that potential partners don’t always understand your commitment to your work. When you love your job, but you’re also actively dating, you can sometimes feel like you’re always caught up in an internal struggle.

You don’t want to give up your professional ambitions, but you also don’t want to lose out on your shot at finding “the one.” What you do want is plenty of time to dedicate to your career and navigating the dating scene.

If you’re in this scenario, you have a few clear advantages and disadvantages when it comes to finding love.

Here’s the good, the bad, and the ugly of modern romance for career-driven professionals.

The Good

Having Appeal

Your passion and drive are intriguing to others. No one wants to date somebody without passion, and you’ve got it in spades. You’re proud of what you do, you have a solid work ethic, and you’re always looking to improve yourself. That’s super attractive!

Yes, most of your stories and anecdotes will relate back to your job. But when you truly love what you do, it shines through when you talk about it. Someone who just knows what they’re meant to do and goes for it without hesitation will never have trouble connecting with others.


When you’re young and carefree, you might equate the word “stability” to “boredom.” But as an adult, you begin to understand the value of stability. And when you’re a career-driven professional, potential partners can see that you have your life together.

The people you’ll attract will be those who prioritize the same things you do. And they’ll appreciate all the effort you’ve put in to build a comfortable life for yourself. It might not sound super exciting on paper, but being in a relationship where both partners are responsible, mature, and trustworthy is incredibly rewarding.

The Bad


Let’s face it: you’re extremely busy. For you, work rarely stops when you leave the office, and sometimes, you feel like you’re never really “off the clock.” You check your email and LinkedIn while you sip your morning coffee. You go out for drinks with coworkers at the end of the day because you value networking opportunities. And you spend your lunch hours having meetings with important clients.

For all those reasons, you might not have much time to socialize with people outside of work. And thus, your circle primarily consists of other people who are employed in your industry.

With everything you have going on, it’s very hard for you to find the time to meet people whose professional paths don’t cross yours. And, of course, carving out the time for a date can be quite tricky. Spontaneity may seem romantic, but it’s usually off the table. And part of you feels a little guilty when you dedicate your precious time to a date that might not work out.

The Ugly

Finding Someone Who “Gets It”

You probably want to be with someone who understands your packed schedule. Someone who gets why you do what you do, and why you’re so motivated to succeed in your field. Ideally, you’d like to meet someone with similar ambitions.

Perhaps you’re also a bit picky because you have high personal standards for yourself. You want to be with someone who sets themselves apart, and you genuinely need a partner.

But here’s the problem: naturally, your “type” is likely to be quite busy as well! This makes it extremely hard to meet like-minded people. After all, the other like-minded people are going to be staying late at the office, just like you.

Obviously, there are many facets to being a career-driven professional who is looking for love. Making the good work for you and finding ways to deal with the bad and the ugly isn’t easy. But with the help of an objective observer who can provide guidance and options, it’s possible.

If you want to learn how to balance your busy work schedule and your love life, relationship therapy can help. Contact me today to find out more about how my approach to relationship and dating therapy can help. Feel free to leave a comment below, drop me an email, or if you want some help changing how you relate and create the love you want in your life - feel free to call me for a free 15 minute phone consultation at (415) 797-8297.  I am San Francisco’s resident relationship therapist helping successful couples and singles create the love and life that they want!

The Reality of Dating in San Francisco: Why Is It So Annoyingly Hard?!


Why is Dating in SF So Damn Hard?!

Dating and meeting new potential partners can be fun. But let’s be honest—it’s often quite stressful!

No matter how hard you try, it can be challenging to find people you really click with. You might have to endure some awkward dinners. And, at times, you’ll find that someone you’re really into doesn’t feel the same way about you, or vice versa.

Dating is tougher in some cities than others. If you’ve ever complained about the San Francisco dating scene, you’re not alone!

Some people might assume that finding “the one” in such a large, progressive city would be a piece of cake. But unfortunately, that’s not the case.

Here’s what makes dating in San Francisco so uniquely frustrating.

Dating Apps

This is San Francisco, where it seems like everyone is a tech whiz. Naturally, most people are using some kind of dating app to connect with each other. Welcome to Silicon Valley!

Out here, it’s all about Tinder, Bumble, and other popular apps. You might prefer meeting people face to face, but if you want to get in on the action, you’ll have to download these apps. That fact alone can be frustrating, and really making their services work for you can add to that.


Lots of people move to San Francisco from all over the world to work at startups and new tech companies. But that also means they’re more likely to travel elsewhere when they have time off rather than hang around for dating and socializing. After all, many of their loved ones will be living far away.

And if the startup flops? Well, it’s time for them to pack up and leave. Short-lived residency can easily mean short-lived romance.

Sky-High Rent

It’s tough to raise a family in San Francisco these days. The cost of rent is ranked as the highest out of any American city.

This means that a family-oriented partner may not want to settle down here in the future. People who want to start families often look elsewhere when it’s time to buy a property. And that can be an obstacle for single people who are looking for love and want to have children.

Busy Schedules

Long hours at work, the struggle to make enough and save enough to pay rent and still have a safety net, commuting long distances to work because of the crazy rents in the city—well, it all adds up to San Franciscans having packed schedules.

Naturally, this means people can be flakey, and it’s hard to schedule a real date. Majorly frustrating!

Skewed Ratio

According to some statistics, there are way more single guys in San Francisco than single women. This means that, while women may have it a bit easier when looking to date men, males seeking romance with females may have some extra competition.

Hence, it can be frustrating being a young, single guy in San Francisco. For every woman out there, a few other men are vying for her affections.

Relationship Preferences

There’s nothing wrong with people who choose not to be monogamous. Unless, of course, you’re looking for someone who strictly wants to date you—and they would rather keep their options open.

This is fairly common in San Francisco. So, while that might be a perk for polyamorous folks, monogamists may find themselves disappointed.

Financial Stress

Managed to actually lock someone down in San Francisco? Good for you! Just be prepared for the possibility of some serious pressure to move in together early on.

Those increasing rent prices we’ve talked about previously make moving in together a pretty smart financial idea. However, living together also means tackling all of the challenges that come along with it. This can easily make or break a fairly new relationship as rushing to move in together can be very stressful.

The Outlier - “Relationship Baggage”

If you have tended to repeatedly end up in disappointing romantic situations there is likely also a more personal factor. Call it “relationship baggage”. For some people relationships seem to happen easily, for others it’s more complicated.

We can’t control for many of the challenges of dating in San Francisco and her surrounding communities, and they DO affect our dating lives and relationships. However, if you’ve fallen into a pattern of repeatedly frustrating relationship dysfunctions or dynamics, this may be one area where you CAN assert your influence and get control of your relationships.

Feel like you need a little help navigating the San Francisco dating scene? If you’d like to know how my approach to relationship and dating therapy can help you, let’s connect. Feel free to leave a comment below, drop me an email, or if you want to some help changing how you relate and are creating the love you want in your life - feel free to call me for a free 15 minute phone consultation at (415) 797-8297.  I am San Francisco’s resident relationship therapist helping successful couples and singles create the love and life that they want!

5 Ways to Soothe Dating Anxiety

Dating Can Be Crazy-Making!

I recently had a client who was struggling with the all too familiar experience of dating anxiety or what we often call attachment anxiety. We had had a fairly productive session helping her re-regulate her nervous system, but I knew she was still leaving with some angst and discomfort given the unpredictable nature of dating. 

I wanted to be helpful outside of the session by sending her some tools and tips for dealing with anxiety and insecurity. I was looking for a quick blog with some tips that I could send her that could help her in between our sessions, but didn't find something that I liked so I decided to write my own, both for her and for you.

Heal From Your Breakup: How Neuroscience Can Help

Breaking Up Sucks!  Your heart aches, your thoughts spiral, you don’t want to eat, leave your darkened room or do many of the things you need to do just to get through your day and keep from losing your livelihood. 

We all know breaking up sucks just from having been through it, but neuroscience has recently given us a leg-up on recovering from the heart-sickness that comes from losing someone you love and have been attached to.  I’ve written a guest blog-post on Medium with other breakup advice, but keep reading for my latest thoughts.

Social Anxiety and West Coast Culture: How does it relate to my dating life?

Could West Coast culture be affecting my dating life?

I’ve long had a fascination with understanding the differences between East and West Coast culture in the US.  I’m going to take this chance to share some of my thoughts about the Coast Cultures and how it relates to social insecurities and what I’ll call “hiding”, particularly on the West Coast.  The caveat is that these are generalizations and may not apply to everyone. 

Having said that, part of my own personal working hypothesis is that on the West Coast people tend to be more private, tentative and get preoccupied with what others are thinking.  Many of us grew up with the saying,

Can I Have A Great Relationship Even If I Didn't See One Growing Up?

I was sitting at a coffee shop in warm and sunny Walnut Creek, California several weeks ago escaping the June Gloom of San Francisco, which was bleeding deep into July. As I was sipping my tropical tea, letting myself slowly arrive and adjust to working on some writing projects, I noticed a warm grandfatherly gentleman just outside the window in front of me sitting with what must have been his sweet, little blond-headed 4-year-old grandson.

Part III: 3 Tips to Get Them to Swipe Right + Rewire Your Brain for Love

Part III:  3 Tips to Get Them to Swipe Right + Rewire Your Brain to Attract Love

This is Part 3 of a mini-blog on getting more profile perusers to “swipe right” on your profile by rewiring your brain and upping the frequency you’re vibing on.

In Part 1 of this mini-blog we saw how confidence is attractive and how to build that sense of confidence by slowing down, tuning in and focusing on the good that’s already there in you!  You-liking-you is numero uno in enhancing genuine self-confidence.