Time for a New Strategy
Finding “the one” in San Francisco can feel like a daunting challenge.
Everyone seems to be too busy to commit to a plan. Ghosting is practically an epidemic. It’s all about the dating apps. And going out on a dinner date can seriously stretch your budget. The City is great…for singles and hook-ups. But might it be anathema to your long-term relationship happiness?
Eventually, you might start wondering if it’s time to accept that dating in the city just isn’t the best approach or environment to your love-life goals, and whether or not you should expand your horizons.
If the thought of dating in the friendlier, lower-key suburbs of San Francisco (Marin, the East Bay, South Bay and their communtities) has ever crossed your mind, take some time to reflect on the pros and cons of these aspects of dating outside of the city limits.
Readiness and Realness
It’s not a secret—the San Francisco dating scene can be flaky. One minute, you think you’re hitting it off with someone, the next, they’ve suddenly disappeared, and they’re not answering any of your texts or calls. It’s super discouraging!
You’ll probably find that in the suburbs, people are more open to and ready for serious dating. Singles who are less acculturated to the Door-Dashification of dating in SF may be more open and available to devloping a real and meaningful connection. At first, it might feel like some people come on a bit strong, and it can take some getting used to after dating in San Francisco. But after a while, you’ll start to embrace it as a welcome change. People who have lived in or moved out to the burbs are often more real and interested in the same thing you are.
Slowing Down
Life in San Francisco seems to move at a mile a minute. The idea of going on dates with a couple of different people over the course of one weekend and bouncing between several social gatherings on a Saturday night seems pretty normal.
If you love the pace of life in San Fran, you might get bored if you try to date in the suburbs. But if you’re tired of rushing around, and you just want someone to stop and smell the roses with, you should think beyond the boundaries of the city.
Being Family-Oriented
When you’re dating in the suburbs, you’re more likely to meet family-oriented people. After all, raising a family in San Francisco is prohibitively expensive for the average person. So, people who are planning to have children in the near future often have their sights set on the suburbs.
If you want to become a parent one day, looking for love in the suburbs might be the right strategy. But if you’re envisioning a child-free future, the suburbs may not be the place for you.
Feeling the Vibe of the Environment
Even those who love the city life would probably agree that once you venture out to the suburbs and small towns, the vibe is friendlier. In general, people are calmer and live a more laid back lifestyle. They have more time to spend with friends and family. And they’re less concerned with climbing the career ladder.
As a result, you may realize that it’s easier to connect with people living in the burbs and form strong friendships and romantic relationships. The City is exciting and lively, but there’s something to be said for small(er)-town America.
Considering Your Budget
When you live in a city like San Francisco, you’re always paying a high price. So, when you venture outside of the city, you’ll never have sticker shock!
If you decide to date in the suburbs, you’ll probably be pleasantly surprised at how much heavier your wallet feels at the end of the night. However, be aware that you won’t have the same variety of choices in terms of activities, restaurants, and events.
Getting a Sense of Community
You’ll probably find that any partner you meet in the suburbs will be quick to invite you to family gatherings, introduce you to their other friends, and make an effort to bring you into their community. But there is one drawback—if you and your partner break up, it’s much harder to simply walk away.
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Find out more about how my approach to Dating and Relationship Therapy can help. Feel free to leave a comment below, drop me an email, or if you want some help changing how you relate and create the love you want in your life - feel free to use the contact form to request a free 15 minute phone consultation. I am San Francisco’s resident Couples & Relationship Therapist helping successful couples and singles create the love and life that they want!