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Bart Hatler, MFT, San Francisco, California

Home
Specialties
Couples Counseling
Dating Therapy
Modalities
Emotionally Focused Therapy
About
Bart Hatler
My Philosophy
Media
FAQs
Blog
Contact
September 25, 2026
Dating
Bart Hatler
What Is the Spark Between Two People?

Why do we feel an immediate spark with some people and not others? This article explores what romantic chemistry may be telling us—and what it can't tell us about a potential relationship.

What Is the Spark Between Two People?
September 18, 2026
Dating
Bart Hatler
Can Attraction Grow Over Time?

Many people struggle with the dilemma of liking someone, but not feeling strong romantic chemistry. Is this a problem? Are there are any solutions to this confusing experience? What kinds of chemistry can we look for when dating?

Can Attraction Grow Over Time?
August 7, 2026
FOR DATING
Bart Hatler
Why Healthy Love Often Feels Less Intense at ...

We have all heard that you’ll “know” when you feel that spark…but is that really the thing all of our hopes and dreams should be riding on? Especially when that spark can be so unreliable? I think there are other things that are better indicators of whether a person or a relationship are likely to be good for us. Read more to find out what.

Why Healthy Love Often Feels Less Intense at First
July 10, 2026
Dating
Bart Hatler
Why Some People Feel So Compelling (And What ...

Have you ever met someone and felt a strong, curiously compelling attraction? Sometimes we're drawn to someone long before we understand why. Discerning what we’re drawn to can give us more freedom to choose between how much chemistry/attraction and how much compatibility we want.

Why Some People Feel So Compelling (And What Your Nervous System May Recognize)
June 26, 2026
Couples
Bart Hatler
When One of You Wants to Talk & The Other ...

When one of you want to talk and the other wants space, do you know what each person's reactions are trying to accomplish? Do you know how each is trying to create a greater sense of emotional safety, but that it gets totally misunderstood. If you'd like support slowing these conversations down and building a different way of relating to one another, I'd be glad to connect.

When One of You Wants to Talk & The Other Wants Space
Bart Hatler
December 27, 2019
Couples, EFT

Holiday Stress Survival Guide: 6 Practical Tips for Protecting Your Relationship

Bart Hatler
December 27, 2019
Couples, EFT

When tensions are running high during the holidays, you might take out your frustrations on your partner, or you may notice that they’ve been doing the same to you.

Bart Hatler
October 23, 2019
Dating

How to Overcome the Brutal Realities of Online Dating Anxiety

Bart Hatler
October 23, 2019
Dating

It seems like everyone is giving online dating a shot these days. This can cause anxiety. Whatever it is that makes you nervous, here’s how to deal with the anxieties connected to online dating.

Bart Hatler
October 20, 2019

Navigating the Crazy Dating Scene in San Francisco: 3 Reasons You Need a Dating and Relationship Therapist

Bart Hatler
October 20, 2019

Although San Francisco is a vibrant, bustling city, it’s also a uniquely difficult place to find a long term partner.

Bart Hatler
October 10, 2019
Dating

Dating In SF: How to Find True Love...Not Just Sex

Bart Hatler
October 10, 2019
Dating

Forget running into a special someone at the grocery store or meeting in line at a coffee shop. Everyone out here is busy swiping left and right on Tinder, Bumble or The League! Here’s how to find true love in SF, Silicon Valley and anywhere in between (not just sex).

Bart Hatler
September 7, 2019
Dating

Information-Age Dating App Irriatations: Consider the Pros and Cons

Bart Hatler
September 7, 2019
Dating

Sure, dating apps are convenient. But, sometimes, it seems like these apps can make the modern dating scene even more complicated. Here’s a breakdown of the pros and cons of dating apps.

1 Comment
Bart Hatler
September 1, 2019
Dating

Dating As a Career-Driven Professional – The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Bart Hatler
September 1, 2019
Dating

Being a career-driven person might make you feel like you have to choose between your job and your love life. Here’s the good, the bad, and the ugly of modern romance for career-driven professionals.

Bart Hatler
August 24, 2019
Dating

The Reality of Dating in San Francisco: Why Is It So Annoyingly Hard?!

Bart Hatler
August 24, 2019
Dating

Dating is tougher in some cities than others. If you’ve ever complained about the San Francisco dating scene, you’re not alone! Here’s what makes dating in San Francisco so uniquely frustrating.

Bart Hatler
August 12, 2019
Dating

Are You Shooting Your Dating Life in the Foot--or Worse?!

Bart Hatler
August 12, 2019
Dating

Are you sick and tired of dating or relationships that don't work. Do you get sick and tired of meeting the wrong kind of person…the one’s that Don’t. Work. Out?  Ok, ready for this: Are YOU actually avoiding intimacy by pursuing certain types? 

Bart Hatler
October 15, 2018
Couples

The Right Way to Say, “I’m Sorry.”

Bart Hatler
October 15, 2018
Couples

In relationship it’s inevitable that we’ll step on each other’s toes and have different needs that conflict.  And it’s likely we’ll want or need different things at the same time.  When this happens, the situation is ripe for conflict, hurt and disappointment. So, when the dust has settled, how do you repair? 

Bart Hatler
October 4, 2018
Couples

5 Questions That Create Happy Relationships

Bart Hatler
October 4, 2018
Couples

Not everyone is super skilled or comfortable with “real” communication.  Here are five quick questions to help you out.

Newer Posts
Older Posts

More Couples Counseling + Dating Therapy Blog Posts

Featured
What Is the Spark Between Two People?
September 25, 2026
What Is the Spark Between Two People?
September 25, 2026

Why do we feel an immediate spark with some people and not others? This article explores what romantic chemistry may be telling us—and what it can't tell us about a potential relationship.

Read more →
September 25, 2026
Can Attraction Grow Over Time?
September 18, 2026
Can Attraction Grow Over Time?
September 18, 2026

Many people struggle with the dilemma of liking someone, but not feeling strong romantic chemistry. Is this a problem? Are there are any solutions to this confusing experience? What kinds of chemistry can we look for when dating?

Read more →
September 18, 2026
Why Healthy Love Often Feels Less Intense at First
August 7, 2026
Why Healthy Love Often Feels Less Intense at First
August 7, 2026

We have all heard that you’ll “know” when you feel that spark…but is that really the thing all of our hopes and dreams should be riding on? Especially when that spark can be so unreliable? I think there are other things that are better indicators of whether a person or a relationship are likely to be good for us. Read more to find out what.

Read more →
August 7, 2026
Why Some People Feel So Compelling (And What Your Nervous System May Recognize)
July 10, 2026
Why Some People Feel So Compelling (And What Your Nervous System May Recognize)
July 10, 2026

Have you ever met someone and felt a strong, curiously compelling attraction? Sometimes we're drawn to someone long before we understand why. Discerning what we’re drawn to can give us more freedom to choose between how much chemistry/attraction and how much compatibility we want.

Read more →
July 10, 2026
When One of You Wants to Talk & The Other Wants Space
June 26, 2026
When One of You Wants to Talk & The Other Wants Space
June 26, 2026

When one of you want to talk and the other wants space, do you know what each person's reactions are trying to accomplish? Do you know how each is trying to create a greater sense of emotional safety, but that it gets totally misunderstood. If you'd like support slowing these conversations down and building a different way of relating to one another, I'd be glad to connect.

Read more →
June 26, 2026
How My Approach to Dating and Therapy Can Help If You’re Feeling Stuck
May 29, 2026
How My Approach to Dating and Therapy Can Help If You’re Feeling Stuck
May 29, 2026

A lot of people reach out for support at a point where dating has started to feel confusing, discouraging, or just plain exhausting because something about the experience keeps repeating. My approach to dating helps you learn where you get stuck and what patterns you may have been repeating, unconsciously.

Read more →
May 29, 2026
Why You React So Strongly When You Get Triggered in Dating and Relationships 
May 8, 2026
Why You React So Strongly When You Get Triggered in Dating and Relationships 
May 8, 2026

There are moments in dating and relationships where you get stuck.  You get triggered. Something gets said, done, or neglected…and suddenly, you feel it. You feel the contraction inside, the shutting down–or the spark of fire. These are places that need our attention and we can learn to work through them with less negative consequences—to us and others.

Read more →
May 8, 2026
The Difference Between Attraction and Availability
April 17, 2026
The Difference Between Attraction and Availability
April 17, 2026

One of the most important distinctions in dating — and one that many people were never taught — is the difference between attraction and availability. Attraction can feel powerful and meaningful, but it isn’t the sign you think it is. Do you know the right signs to follow?

Read more →
April 17, 2026
Understanding Your Negative Cycle as a Couple
April 3, 2026
Understanding Your Negative Cycle as a Couple
April 3, 2026

Couples may not realize that though they argue about different kinds of things over and over, they are likely often repeating the same kind of negative cycle, below the varying content. Learning to catch and change this cycle can change everything.

Read more →
April 3, 2026
Why “Chemistry” Isn’t a Reliable Dating Strategy
March 13, 2026
Why “Chemistry” Isn’t a Reliable Dating Strategy
March 13, 2026

Chemistry, on its own, is a surprisingly unreliable guide when it comes to building a healthy, lasting relationship. Most of us were never taught how to tell the difference between chemistry of genuine connection and chemistry of nervous system activation. And in modern dating culture that distinction matters more than ever.

Read more →
March 13, 2026
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Bart Hatler, MFT - Relationship Therapist, 870 Market Street, Ste. 451, San Francisco, CA, 94102, United States415 797 8297[email protected]

Bart Hatler, MFT

870 Market St Ste. 451, San Francisco, CA 94102
(415) 797-8297

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