More Couples Counseling + Dating Therapy Blog Posts

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Oct 15, 2018

I am a relationship therapist in San Francisco. I know relationships. And I have something important to tell you about dating, marriage, and relationships:

Conflict Is Inevitable

In relationship it’s inevitable that we’ll step on each other’s toes and have different needs that conflict. And it’s likely we’ll want or need different things at the same time. When this happens, the situation is ripe for conflict, hurt and disappointment.

Oct 15, 2018

Oct 4, 2018

5 Questions That Create Happy Relationships

Oct 4, 2018

In case you didn’t get the memo, communication is the thing that makes relationships click. Well, its one of the things. Maybe one of the most important things. Intimacy, vulnerability and expression of care are also huge, but they all rest on the basic skill of communication.

Not everyone is super skilled or comfortable with “real” communication. But since you’ve decided you like this person so much, why not talk to them? And why not really talk. Practice it, grow, stretch a little if these kinds of questions are a stretch. They’ll feel better, you’ll feel better, and you’ll be investing in your mutual long-term happiness.

Oct 4, 2018

Sep 28, 2018

5 Ways to Soothe Dating Anxiety

Sep 28, 2018

Dating Can Be Crazy-Making!

I recently had a client who was struggling with the all too familiar experience of dating anxiety or what we often call attachment anxiety. We had had a fairly productive session helping her re-regulate her nervous system, but I knew she was still leaving with some angst and discomfort given the unpredictable nature of dating.

I wanted to be helpful outside of the session by sending her some tools and tips for dealing with anxiety and insecurity. I was looking for a quick blog with some tips that I could send her that could help her in between our sessions, but didn't find something that I liked so I decided to write my own, both for her and for you.

Sep 28, 2018

Sep 20, 2018

Heal From Your Breakup: How Neuroscience Can Help

Sep 20, 2018

Breaking Up Sucks! Your heart aches, your thoughts spiral, you don’t want to eat, leave your darkened room or do many of the things you need to do just to get through your day and keep from losing your livelihood.

We all know breaking up sucks just from having been through it, but neuroscience has recently given us a leg-up on recovering from the heart-sickness that comes from losing someone you love and have been attached to. I’ve written a guest blog-post on Medium with other breakup advice, but keep reading for my latest thoughts.

Sep 20, 2018

Sep 13, 2018

Social Anxiety and West Coast Culture: How does it relate to my dating life?

Sep 13, 2018

Could West Coast culture be affecting my dating life?

I’ve long had a fascination with understanding the differences between East and West Coast culture in the US. I’m going to take this chance to share some of my thoughts about the Coast Cultures and how it relates to social insecurities and what I’ll call “hiding”, particularly on the West Coast. The caveat is that these are generalizations and may not apply to everyone.

Having said that, part of my own personal working hypothesis is that on the West Coast people tend to be more private, tentative and get preoccupied with what others are thinking. Many of us grew up with the saying,

Sep 13, 2018

Sep 6, 2018

Can I Have A Great Relationship Even If I Didn't See One Growing Up?

Sep 6, 2018

I was sitting at a coffee shop in warm and sunny Walnut Creek, California several weeks ago escaping the June Gloom of San Francisco, which was bleeding deep into July. As I was sipping my tropical tea, letting myself slowly arrive and adjust to working on some writing projects, I noticed a warm grandfatherly gentleman just outside the window in front of me sitting with what must have been his sweet, little blond-headed 4-year-old grandson.

Sep 6, 2018

Aug 14, 2018

Part III: 3 Tips to Get Them to Swipe Right + Rewire Your Brain for Love

Aug 14, 2018

Part III: 3 Tips to Get Them to Swipe Right + Rewire Your Brain to Attract Love

This is Part 3 of a mini-blog on getting more profile perusers to “swipe right” on your profile by rewiring your brain and upping the frequency you’re vibing on.

In Part 1 of this mini-blog we saw how confidence is attractive and how to build that sense of confidence by slowing down, tuning in and focusing on the good that’s already there in you! You-liking-you is numero uno in enhancing genuine self-confidence.

Aug 14, 2018

Aug 7, 2018

Part II: 3 Tips to Get Them to Swipe Right + Rewire Your Brain for Love

Aug 7, 2018

This is Part II of a blog series on getting more profile perusers to swipe right on your profile by rewiring your brain and upping the vibe you’re sending out.

Aug 7, 2018

Jul 31, 2018

3 Tips to Get Them to Swipe Right + Rewire Your Brain for Love

Jul 31, 2018

How do I meet someone so I can get off these damn dating apps?

“I just want to meet someone great, so I can get the ‘EFF’ off this app!” As a Relationship Therapist specializing in Dating Therapy it’s a complaint I hear often enough. Some of the habitual swiping going on these days can be mildly entertaining, and slightly more than mildly addictive. Even so, many who are using the latest dating apps are SRSLY ready to get off of them and get on with living, loving and relating.

Jul 31, 2018

Jul 24, 2018

Are You Feeling Hopeless About Your Relationship? 3 Ways to Start Feeling Better.

Jul 24, 2018

Does feeling hopeless mean it is, or is there still a way to fix things?

You’re feeling hopeless about your relationship, but does that mean you’re doomed? Or is there still hope in spite of that sinking feeling?

Well, hopelessness usually comes awhile after the point where your relationship struggles and red flags started showing up. Hopeless feelings are likely an indication that overwhelm has been taking its toll on you, not just emotionally, but also on your nervous system, physically. When that happens your body’s ability to regulate which is essential to healthy, sustainable functioning is severely compromised and parts of you start shutting down to regulate and regain your grasp on things.

Jul 24, 2018