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Bart Hatler, MFT, San Francisco, California

Home
Specialties
Couples Counseling
Dating Therapy
Modalities
Emotionally Focused Therapy
About
Bart Hatler
My Philosophy
Media
FAQs
Blog
Contact
September 25, 2026
Dating
Bart Hatler
What Is the Spark Between Two People?

Why do we feel an immediate spark with some people and not others? This article explores what romantic chemistry may be telling us—and what it can't tell us about a potential relationship.

What Is the Spark Between Two People?
September 18, 2026
Dating
Bart Hatler
Can Attraction Grow Over Time?

Many people struggle with the dilemma of liking someone, but not feeling strong romantic chemistry. Is this a problem? Are there are any solutions to this confusing experience? What kinds of chemistry can we look for when dating?

Can Attraction Grow Over Time?
August 7, 2026
FOR DATING
Bart Hatler
Why Healthy Love Often Feels Less Intense at ...

We have all heard that you’ll “know” when you feel that spark…but is that really the thing all of our hopes and dreams should be riding on? Especially when that spark can be so unreliable? I think there are other things that are better indicators of whether a person or a relationship are likely to be good for us. Read more to find out what.

Why Healthy Love Often Feels Less Intense at First
July 10, 2026
Dating
Bart Hatler
Why Some People Feel So Compelling (And What ...

Have you ever met someone and felt a strong, curiously compelling attraction? Sometimes we're drawn to someone long before we understand why. Discerning what we’re drawn to can give us more freedom to choose between how much chemistry/attraction and how much compatibility we want.

Why Some People Feel So Compelling (And What Your Nervous System May Recognize)
June 26, 2026
Couples
Bart Hatler
When One of You Wants to Talk & The Other ...

When one of you want to talk and the other wants space, do you know what each person's reactions are trying to accomplish? Do you know how each is trying to create a greater sense of emotional safety, but that it gets totally misunderstood. If you'd like support slowing these conversations down and building a different way of relating to one another, I'd be glad to connect.

When One of You Wants to Talk & The Other Wants Space
Bart Hatler
September 28, 2018
Dating

5 Ways to Soothe Dating Anxiety

Bart Hatler
September 28, 2018
Dating

I recently had a client who was struggling with the all too familiar experience of dating anxiety or what we often call attachment anxiety. Here are some tools and tips for dealing with anxiety and insecurity.

Bart Hatler
September 20, 2018
Dating

Heal From Your Breakup: How Neuroscience Can Help

Bart Hatler
September 20, 2018
Dating

Breaking Up Sucks!  Your heart aches, your thoughts spiral, you don’t want to eat, leave your darkened room. I’ve written a guest blog-post on Medium with other breakup advice, but keep reading for my latest thoughts.

3 Comments
Bart Hatler
September 13, 2018
Dating

Social Anxiety and West Coast Culture: How does it relate to my dating life?

Bart Hatler
September 13, 2018
Dating

I’ve long had a fascination with understanding the differences between East and West Coast culture in the US.  Could West Coast culture be affecting my dating life, let’s explore this…

Bart Hatler
September 6, 2018
Dating, Couples

Can I Have A Great Relationship Even If I Didn't See One Growing Up?

Bart Hatler
September 6, 2018
Dating, Couples

I never met my paternal grandfather so perhaps it warmed my heart a little to see a young boy get to be with his grandfather.  And in such a kind and affectionate way, somewhat uncharacteristic of an older generations emotional sophistication.  Can I have a great relationship even if I didn't see one growing up?

Bart Hatler
August 14, 2018
Dating

Part III: 3 Tips to Get Them to Swipe Right + Rewire Your Brain for Love

Bart Hatler
August 14, 2018
Dating

What is “enoughness” and what’s it got to do with dating? Let’s explore this.

Bart Hatler
August 7, 2018
Dating

Part II: 3 Tips to Get Them to Swipe Right + Rewire Your Brain for Love

Bart Hatler
August 7, 2018
Dating

So, how can self-love get me more swipes? Let’s see what role confidence can play in the dating scene.

Bart Hatler
July 31, 2018
Dating

3 Tips to Get Them to Swipe Right + Rewire Your Brain for Love

Bart Hatler
July 31, 2018
Dating

How do I meet someone so I can get off these damn dating apps? Let’s see how…

Bart Hatler
July 24, 2018
EFT

Are You Feeling Hopeless About Your Relationship? 3 Ways to Start Feeling Better.

Bart Hatler
July 24, 2018
EFT

You’re feeling hopeless about your relationship, but does that mean you’re doomed?  Or is there still hope in spite of that sinking feeling?

Bart Hatler
July 17, 2018
Dating

Stop Telling Yourself That BS Story About Being Single

Bart Hatler
July 17, 2018
Dating

Of course it feels good to be in love or in a good relationship…at least it does until you and your new sweetie start arguing about your differences or the shine otherwise starts to wear off of the romance.  But, yeah it feels good. Everything about being single SUCKS!

Bart Hatler
April 7, 2018
Dating

Why Am I Still Single?

Bart Hatler
April 7, 2018
Dating

When Everything’s Clicking

You like their profile pic.  They like you back. They send a flirtatious message.  You respond. There’s good banter.  You feel hopeful. What comes next is anyone’s guess.

Newer Posts
Older Posts

More Couples Counseling + Dating Therapy Blog Posts

Featured
What Is the Spark Between Two People?
September 25, 2026
What Is the Spark Between Two People?
September 25, 2026

Why do we feel an immediate spark with some people and not others? This article explores what romantic chemistry may be telling us—and what it can't tell us about a potential relationship.

Read more →
September 25, 2026
Can Attraction Grow Over Time?
September 18, 2026
Can Attraction Grow Over Time?
September 18, 2026

Many people struggle with the dilemma of liking someone, but not feeling strong romantic chemistry. Is this a problem? Are there are any solutions to this confusing experience? What kinds of chemistry can we look for when dating?

Read more →
September 18, 2026
Why Healthy Love Often Feels Less Intense at First
August 7, 2026
Why Healthy Love Often Feels Less Intense at First
August 7, 2026

We have all heard that you’ll “know” when you feel that spark…but is that really the thing all of our hopes and dreams should be riding on? Especially when that spark can be so unreliable? I think there are other things that are better indicators of whether a person or a relationship are likely to be good for us. Read more to find out what.

Read more →
August 7, 2026
Why Some People Feel So Compelling (And What Your Nervous System May Recognize)
July 10, 2026
Why Some People Feel So Compelling (And What Your Nervous System May Recognize)
July 10, 2026

Have you ever met someone and felt a strong, curiously compelling attraction? Sometimes we're drawn to someone long before we understand why. Discerning what we’re drawn to can give us more freedom to choose between how much chemistry/attraction and how much compatibility we want.

Read more →
July 10, 2026
When One of You Wants to Talk & The Other Wants Space
June 26, 2026
When One of You Wants to Talk & The Other Wants Space
June 26, 2026

When one of you want to talk and the other wants space, do you know what each person's reactions are trying to accomplish? Do you know how each is trying to create a greater sense of emotional safety, but that it gets totally misunderstood. If you'd like support slowing these conversations down and building a different way of relating to one another, I'd be glad to connect.

Read more →
June 26, 2026
How My Approach to Dating and Therapy Can Help If You’re Feeling Stuck
May 29, 2026
How My Approach to Dating and Therapy Can Help If You’re Feeling Stuck
May 29, 2026

A lot of people reach out for support at a point where dating has started to feel confusing, discouraging, or just plain exhausting because something about the experience keeps repeating. My approach to dating helps you learn where you get stuck and what patterns you may have been repeating, unconsciously.

Read more →
May 29, 2026
Why You React So Strongly When You Get Triggered in Dating and Relationships 
May 8, 2026
Why You React So Strongly When You Get Triggered in Dating and Relationships 
May 8, 2026

There are moments in dating and relationships where you get stuck.  You get triggered. Something gets said, done, or neglected…and suddenly, you feel it. You feel the contraction inside, the shutting down–or the spark of fire. These are places that need our attention and we can learn to work through them with less negative consequences—to us and others.

Read more →
May 8, 2026
The Difference Between Attraction and Availability
April 17, 2026
The Difference Between Attraction and Availability
April 17, 2026

One of the most important distinctions in dating — and one that many people were never taught — is the difference between attraction and availability. Attraction can feel powerful and meaningful, but it isn’t the sign you think it is. Do you know the right signs to follow?

Read more →
April 17, 2026
Understanding Your Negative Cycle as a Couple
April 3, 2026
Understanding Your Negative Cycle as a Couple
April 3, 2026

Couples may not realize that though they argue about different kinds of things over and over, they are likely often repeating the same kind of negative cycle, below the varying content. Learning to catch and change this cycle can change everything.

Read more →
April 3, 2026
Why “Chemistry” Isn’t a Reliable Dating Strategy
March 13, 2026
Why “Chemistry” Isn’t a Reliable Dating Strategy
March 13, 2026

Chemistry, on its own, is a surprisingly unreliable guide when it comes to building a healthy, lasting relationship. Most of us were never taught how to tell the difference between chemistry of genuine connection and chemistry of nervous system activation. And in modern dating culture that distinction matters more than ever.

Read more →
March 13, 2026
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Bart Hatler, MFT - Relationship Therapist, 870 Market Street, Ste. 451, San Francisco, CA, 94102, United States415 797 8297[email protected]

Bart Hatler, MFT

870 Market St Ste. 451, San Francisco, CA 94102
(415) 797-8297

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