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Bart Hatler, MFT, San Francisco, California

Home
Specialties
Couples Counseling
Dating Therapy
Modalities
Emotionally Focused Therapy
About
Bart Hatler
My Philosophy
Media
FAQs
Blog
Contact
September 25, 2026
Dating
Bart Hatler
What Is the Spark Between Two People?

Why do we feel an immediate spark with some people and not others? This article explores what romantic chemistry may be telling us—and what it can't tell us about a potential relationship.

What Is the Spark Between Two People?
September 18, 2026
Dating
Bart Hatler
Can Attraction Grow Over Time?

Many people struggle with the dilemma of liking someone, but not feeling strong romantic chemistry. Is this a problem? Are there are any solutions to this confusing experience? What kinds of chemistry can we look for when dating?

Can Attraction Grow Over Time?
August 7, 2026
FOR DATING
Bart Hatler
Why Healthy Love Often Feels Less Intense at ...

We have all heard that you’ll “know” when you feel that spark…but is that really the thing all of our hopes and dreams should be riding on? Especially when that spark can be so unreliable? I think there are other things that are better indicators of whether a person or a relationship are likely to be good for us. Read more to find out what.

Why Healthy Love Often Feels Less Intense at First
July 10, 2026
Dating
Bart Hatler
Why Some People Feel So Compelling (And What ...

Have you ever met someone and felt a strong, curiously compelling attraction? Sometimes we're drawn to someone long before we understand why. Discerning what we’re drawn to can give us more freedom to choose between how much chemistry/attraction and how much compatibility we want.

Why Some People Feel So Compelling (And What Your Nervous System May Recognize)
June 26, 2026
Couples
Bart Hatler
When One of You Wants to Talk & The Other ...

When one of you want to talk and the other wants space, do you know what each person's reactions are trying to accomplish? Do you know how each is trying to create a greater sense of emotional safety, but that it gets totally misunderstood. If you'd like support slowing these conversations down and building a different way of relating to one another, I'd be glad to connect.

When One of You Wants to Talk & The Other Wants Space
Bart Hatler
October 27, 2023
Couples

Not Enough Sex in Your Relationship: What’s Getting in the Way?

Bart Hatler
October 27, 2023
Couples

Having an active sex life with your partner makes you both feel wanted and loved. If you’re frustrated by the lack of sex and intimacy in your relationship, figuring out the reason for the dry spell is the first step to fixing the issue.

Bart Hatler
April 18, 2020
Dating

The Science of Attraction: The Chemistry of Physical Attraction (How Important Is It?)

Bart Hatler
April 18, 2020
Dating

Imagine yourself sitting in a coffee shop with one of your friends and you catch a glimpse of the person who walks in. You just can’t help but notice how attractive they are. Do you ever wonder what’s really going through your head during those moments?

Bart Hatler
March 14, 2020
Couples

7 Essential Elements of a Healthy Relationship

Bart Hatler
March 14, 2020
Couples

Here are a few essential elements of every happy relationship. You and your partner might approach them in your own unique way, but if you’ve been feeling like something is “missing” in your relationship, it could be on this list!

Bart Hatler
March 7, 2020
Couples, Dating, EFT

What Does Your Enneagram Type Have to Do with Your Relationship?

Bart Hatler
March 7, 2020
Couples, Dating, EFT

Wondering how your personal enneagram type is affecting your relationships? Trying to figure out who you are most compatible with and how to improve your love life?

Bart Hatler
February 29, 2020
Dating

The Happiness Effect of Social Media

Bart Hatler
February 29, 2020
Dating

Social media has totally revolutionized this concept and made it possible for us to stay readily connected with loved ones every single day. How can this affect you?

Bart Hatler
February 9, 2020
Dating

The Science of Attraction: Exploring the Chemistry Behind Romantic Allure

Bart Hatler
February 9, 2020
Dating

Should chemistry be the all important factor we have made it out to be when looking for a partner? Here's what’s actually happening in your brain during the attraction phase, when you’re spending time with someone that you just can’t stop thinking about.

Bart Hatler
January 15, 2020
Dating

Dating in the City vs. Dating in the Burbs: Pros and Cons to Looking for Love Outside of San Francisco

Bart Hatler
January 15, 2020
Dating

Life in San Francisco seems to move at a mile a minute. The idea of going on dates with a couple of different people over the course of one weekend and bouncing between several social gatherings on a Saturday night seems pretty normal.

Bart Hatler
January 8, 2020
Dating

Romantic Relationships Are NOT the Key to Happiness! -- 5 Ways to Be Happily Single

Bart Hatler
January 8, 2020
Dating

When you’re single, you might find yourself looking around and seeing nothing but happy couples. But is romantic love really the pinnacle of happiness? Here are five ways to be happily single and embrace the art of flying solo.

Bart Hatler
January 1, 2020
Dating, EFT

Dating Intelligence: How Knowing Your Attachment Style Could Be an Advantage

Bart Hatler
January 1, 2020
Dating, EFT

Your attachment style describes, predicts and makes sense of how you relate to others in dating and intimate relationships. Here’s how knowing your attachment style can help you find the right person.

Bart Hatler
December 27, 2019
Dating

What’s Your Dating Intelligence Quotient (D-IQ)?

Bart Hatler
December 27, 2019
Dating

Do you know how you score on a D-IQ (Intelligence Quotient for Dating) test? Here are some basic dating tips to help you with your D-IQ. 

Newer Posts
Older Posts

More Couples Counseling + Dating Therapy Blog Posts

Featured
What Is the Spark Between Two People?
September 25, 2026
What Is the Spark Between Two People?
September 25, 2026

Why do we feel an immediate spark with some people and not others? This article explores what romantic chemistry may be telling us—and what it can't tell us about a potential relationship.

Read more →
September 25, 2026
Can Attraction Grow Over Time?
September 18, 2026
Can Attraction Grow Over Time?
September 18, 2026

Many people struggle with the dilemma of liking someone, but not feeling strong romantic chemistry. Is this a problem? Are there are any solutions to this confusing experience? What kinds of chemistry can we look for when dating?

Read more →
September 18, 2026
Why Healthy Love Often Feels Less Intense at First
August 7, 2026
Why Healthy Love Often Feels Less Intense at First
August 7, 2026

We have all heard that you’ll “know” when you feel that spark…but is that really the thing all of our hopes and dreams should be riding on? Especially when that spark can be so unreliable? I think there are other things that are better indicators of whether a person or a relationship are likely to be good for us. Read more to find out what.

Read more →
August 7, 2026
Why Some People Feel So Compelling (And What Your Nervous System May Recognize)
July 10, 2026
Why Some People Feel So Compelling (And What Your Nervous System May Recognize)
July 10, 2026

Have you ever met someone and felt a strong, curiously compelling attraction? Sometimes we're drawn to someone long before we understand why. Discerning what we’re drawn to can give us more freedom to choose between how much chemistry/attraction and how much compatibility we want.

Read more →
July 10, 2026
When One of You Wants to Talk & The Other Wants Space
June 26, 2026
When One of You Wants to Talk & The Other Wants Space
June 26, 2026

When one of you want to talk and the other wants space, do you know what each person's reactions are trying to accomplish? Do you know how each is trying to create a greater sense of emotional safety, but that it gets totally misunderstood. If you'd like support slowing these conversations down and building a different way of relating to one another, I'd be glad to connect.

Read more →
June 26, 2026
How My Approach to Dating and Therapy Can Help If You’re Feeling Stuck
May 29, 2026
How My Approach to Dating and Therapy Can Help If You’re Feeling Stuck
May 29, 2026

A lot of people reach out for support at a point where dating has started to feel confusing, discouraging, or just plain exhausting because something about the experience keeps repeating. My approach to dating helps you learn where you get stuck and what patterns you may have been repeating, unconsciously.

Read more →
May 29, 2026
Why You React So Strongly When You Get Triggered in Dating and Relationships 
May 8, 2026
Why You React So Strongly When You Get Triggered in Dating and Relationships 
May 8, 2026

There are moments in dating and relationships where you get stuck.  You get triggered. Something gets said, done, or neglected…and suddenly, you feel it. You feel the contraction inside, the shutting down–or the spark of fire. These are places that need our attention and we can learn to work through them with less negative consequences—to us and others.

Read more →
May 8, 2026
The Difference Between Attraction and Availability
April 17, 2026
The Difference Between Attraction and Availability
April 17, 2026

One of the most important distinctions in dating — and one that many people were never taught — is the difference between attraction and availability. Attraction can feel powerful and meaningful, but it isn’t the sign you think it is. Do you know the right signs to follow?

Read more →
April 17, 2026
Understanding Your Negative Cycle as a Couple
April 3, 2026
Understanding Your Negative Cycle as a Couple
April 3, 2026

Couples may not realize that though they argue about different kinds of things over and over, they are likely often repeating the same kind of negative cycle, below the varying content. Learning to catch and change this cycle can change everything.

Read more →
April 3, 2026
Why “Chemistry” Isn’t a Reliable Dating Strategy
March 13, 2026
Why “Chemistry” Isn’t a Reliable Dating Strategy
March 13, 2026

Chemistry, on its own, is a surprisingly unreliable guide when it comes to building a healthy, lasting relationship. Most of us were never taught how to tell the difference between chemistry of genuine connection and chemistry of nervous system activation. And in modern dating culture that distinction matters more than ever.

Read more →
March 13, 2026
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Bart Hatler, MFT - Relationship Therapist, 870 Market Street, Ste. 451, San Francisco, CA, 94102, United States415 797 8297[email protected]

Bart Hatler, MFT

870 Market St Ste. 451, San Francisco, CA 94102
(415) 797-8297

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